I'm still here

pilske This is a blog post. Wait, what?

I'm back (again)! It borders on ridiculous that over half of the posts on my blog preface themselves with blah-blah-I-haven't-blogged-in-so-long-blah-blah, so let's just get over it. As of late, I've been finding myself rather uninspired and even worse, at a loss for words. That's probably problematic for someone who brands herself as a "writer", but to be honest, my very simple motive for blogging is just really to put myself out there again.

I first started this blog as an experiment (all the way back in 2012, can you believe it), and saw it evolve into my own platform of self-expression. The past four years have come with numerous ups and downs and really, I'm still somewhat in awe that I've managed to keep "I.E. Jessie" up for so long. Consistency doesn't rank itself within my topmost strengths, but I guess for me, having this space validates itself enough for me to want to sustain it.

Recently, I've had some time to reflect about my current state of mind. To be honest, I've been frustrated about a lot of things--about where I am in life, about my present situation, the people around me, or simply just about myself. Part of it, I believe, is the natural frustration that comes with ambition; it results from dissatisfaction of not being or having "enough". (Obviously there is a fine line between wanting to improve to fulfill one's own potential and improving for the sake of improving or temporarily relieving an unrelenting self-doubt, but I digress.)

The other part--or maybe even just a tiny part of it--is that I've not had that ideal environment for aforementioned self-expression. (I don't want to get into the whole debate about the individual's responsibility versus their environment, but I'm acknowledging it with this aside. Also, side side note, I clearly have a lot on my mind, check out all the parentheses in the post, haha.) I'm very grateful for the supportive people around me in Hong Kong, but the fact remains that I left most of my life (and all the people in it) back in Canada, and it's been a struggle, not having people that I can open myself 100% to. But perhaps the plus side is that through all the struggles of the past year, I've learned a lot more about myself. I won't go into a whole soliloquy about my personal traits here, but just know that the soliloquy--if there ever was one--has gotten a lot longer. I'm all about that self-awareness, haha.

Anyway, my point is, the other part of the frustration most likely stems from me having my creative outlets blocked for some reason. So, this is me trying to be proactive about removing the block, or better yet, overcoming it. It might be just another phase--maybe I just "feel like it" (I hate saying that, even if it's at least partly true) at the moment--but I'm here now. Time to have another go at this whole content-creating, self-expression, writing, creative business.

xo, jess[i.e.]